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But then, these old faithful machines started to let me down - eating up my precious pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. They showed no remorse what-so-ever. The honeymoon was over.
Upon seeing my friend’s sheer excitement for the slot machines, I asked her to take me on a tour and educate me as to why she found “pulling slots” so much fun. And boy, did I learn a lot about gambling… I became intrigued with the psychology of gaming as well as why people felt it was so much fun, even when a person considers that the odds are in the casino’s favor in terms of gobbling up hard earned income.
Quite frankly, I don’t have many indulgences other than Brahmin purses, fun prescription glasses, no foam lattes, chocolate (any kind), and southwest jewelry. Each in themselves appears to be harmless and obviously do not pertain to addictive behavior. However, I must realistically evaluate my eating habits and recognize my weight gain is a result of unrestricted enjoyment of high calorie foods which has resulted in a back that hurts from carrying around all those extra pounds. Genetically, I’ve recognized that many of us can have the seed that allows us to become absorbed in self destructive behavior.
And I played on … convinced that my superior gaming sense and luck would save the day. I was never extravagant in my spending,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], $50 at a time, but I knew if I didn’t rationally consider what was actually happening, a decline in my “stopping power” would be imminent. After analyzing my feelings, and thoughts just before I entered a casino, I realized I was paying money to zone out.
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At first, I thought it was amusing that people seemed to have their favorite games. I’ve been approached three times (a light tap on the shoulder) by people who stand behind me waiting for me to finish with my round of play. Waiting and smoking, tapping their foot impatiently as I tried to ignore them. I was there first, right?
Such a simple question triggered my search regarding compulsion and obsessive behavior.
What became an intellectual endeavor,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], evolved into a thrill chase. I started playing penny slots and discovered that I wasn’t really only playing pennies. The minimum I could bet was fifteen or twenty cents per touch of the button. In order to get a better payback, of course you have to invest (my friend’s term) more for each pull. I rationalized betting up to $2.00 each time would increase my rate of return.
Curiously enough, I began to have favorite slot machines. Ancient Treasures which has a magic orb feature, the bonus double Diamond machines, or how about that Event Monopoly! I went to them faithfully and felt irritation when someone had the audacity to be sitting in my chair. I actually laughed when I realized what I was feeling!
And at times it did prove profitable… winning $500 on a fifty cent turn. Wow! No wonder people shriek with excitement. However, the more I began to win, the higher the anticipation I experienced in returning to my favorite casino haunt. I began to dream about spinning wheels, poker hands, and cashing in my tickets.
This article has been months in the making; a journey of self discovery regarding the nature of addictive behavior. Some of you who read my articles religiously each month will probably be surprised and a bit dismayed. Make sure you read the entire article. Read on if you are curious. Read on especially if you can identify with what I’m talking about when it comes to the nature of “compulsion” and hopefully my words will help you build the strength to regain control before it goes too far.
I was staying at a Hotel/Casino operation for a speaking engagement and a friend of mine agreed to meet me there. Her eyes lit up with eagerness as she relished the clanging, ringing sounds emanating from the gaming area. Her expression of pure anticipation captured my attention, enough so that I asked,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “What is it exactly about gambling that delights you so much?”