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While feeling like a victim is normal, common, and even "natural" for us as human beings, it never leads us to greater power, joy, or happiness. The more willing we are to take responsibility for what shows up in our lives and to look for what we can learn from all that we experience, the more likely we are to heal, change, and transform in the positive way that we truly want.
Most of us learned how to be victims at a very young age and had (and continue to have) lots of examples around us. In fact, victimhood is something we often used as a survival technique as children and adolescents. Although it doesn't really feel good - feeling sorry for ourselves is actually a way to distance ourselves from deep and painful emotions, like sadness [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hurt, loneliness, fear, anger, and despair. Because we don't have the emotional capacity as kids or teens to fully experience and express our emotions in a healing and liberating way, we turn to victimhood and it helps us survive.
Do you ever ask yourself the question, "Why is this happening to me?" Most of us do, especially when things aren't going the way we want them to or we're dealing with something that's difficult or painful.
Instead of asking ourselves, "Why is this happening TO me?" we could instead ask, "Why is this happening FOR me?" Wow - there's a world of difference in those two questions. The first one leads us down a path of victimhood, martyrdom, or feeling as though there's something wrong with us. The second one takes us in a direction of deeper growth, awareness, appreciation, responsibility, and healing.
A few years ago I was talking to my friend Brian about this and he said, "If you change the word 'to' to the word 'for' in that question, it can change your life." When Brian said this, it really resonated with me and I never forgot it.
In our lives as adults, however, playing the victim not only acts as a "smokescreen" (keeping us from taking responsibility and feeling our real emotions), it also causes a great deal of harm in relationships, at work, with our health, and much more.

Here are a few things you can think about and do to let go of victimhood and expand your capacity for growth and learning:
Sadly, it often seems easier and is definitely more encouraged by the world around us to choose "Door #1" (victimhood), than it is to choose "Door #2" (growth and responsibility).
Asking ourselves why something is happening "for" us instead of "to" us, doesn't mean we have to like what's happening, necessarily. It also isn't about blaming ourselves for "screwing things up." This is about consciously choosing to look for the "gold," see the lesson, and take advantage of the situations and circumstances that show up in our lives as the opportunities for growth that they truly are.
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Why is this? We live in a culture that celebrates and reinforces victimhood. And while there are clearly people in our world who are victimized by the "wrongs" of society and others (and some of us have been victimized by people and situations in our own lives personally), the majority of the time you and I act, talk, and feel like "victims," we're not - it's just a habitual way of thinking and being that we're used to.

1) Notice when and where you feel like a victim. Pick a specific area of your life, or a specific situation or relationship, where you currently feel that "it's not fair," or "it shouldn't be this way," or you find yourself asking, "why is this happening to me?" While you may have more than one area or example of this in your life right now, it works best to focus on one area at a time. Notice what you think and say about this situation - to yourself and others. Most important, tap into how you're truly feeling about it. Remember, victimhood is always a smokescreen - keeping us away from our authentic and vulnerable feelings. When you're able to acknowledge and ultimately experience and express how you really feel, things can star