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I would recommend that you follow these 7 steps to position your conversations for success.
To make sure that your primary relationships can grow in times of change you have to make it a priority to communicate regularly. Things can shift too quickly and you need to stay connected. That can be difficult in the highly emotional “break down stages” of change when so much of your energy and attention is focused inward, on your own struggles. This is a time when you feel most vulnerable and need support and understanding of others but often may not have the energy to reach out. It is typical for loved ones to misunderstand your behaviors, take it personally, feel shut out or at least diminished in your life. That can give rise to various fears which then play out as change-back pressure.
1. Working through issues takes time and attention. Think of this as a time to tune up your relationship. You cannot have quality conversations on the run. So agree on a time when you can actually spend some quality time with one another. Treat it as a special time when you are halting everything else to honor and promote the health of your relationship.
However, there are ways to communicate your needs and to hear the needs of others as you work through change. One suggestion is to set a time when you feel calm to talk with your loved one. This is not meant as a time to convince them to accept your changes but instead to hear them out and find out what is bothering or worrying them. Many times they are afraid that your personal change is signaling a change in the relationship they may not be able to handle. They will resist your change as long as they are afraid of it. By listening to their fears you can help alleviate their concerns or together find solutions. Attending to their needs can lead to their acceptance and support of yours.
4. Transformational change is highly emotional and it makes us very vulnerable. Any time you discuss something that is emotionally charged you need to create an atmosphere of safety where you allow yourself to be vulnerable with each other without the fear of being hurt. Agree on certain interaction behaviors that are conducive to carry the conversation in a positive direction. These agreements can serve you throughout your future interactions with each other. For example: Agree not raise your voices, Try to understand the other person’s point of view, Look for win-win solutions, Treat each other with respect and remember that you love one another, Avoid blaming language. A technique to make agreements is for each of you to complete this sentence, “What I need from you to communicate fully and authentically is…” Write your answers down without any discussion. Once everything is written down, you can discuss and clarify the list and make agreements.
3. Set a positive foundation for the discussion that fortifies the love you have for one another. For example before talking about the issues that are separating you, talk about what you mean to one another and the value of the relationship for each you. Take your time to articulate the importance of finding ways that you can support each other in your personal growth while you nurture your relationship.
2. When possible make this a special occasion by sharing a meal,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], walking in the park,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], watching a sunset or anything else that creates a peaceful surrounding and signifies a special time for you.
5. Use effective listening skills such as: Fully hear the other person when they talk. Remember that you will have your turn to talk Resist formulating answers while the other person is talking. Listen to their words as well as their body language. Check for understanding by rephrasing what you heard. Acknowledge what they say as truth for them even if not true for you. Pause after the other person is finished to abso
Transformational change can be difficult even without having to worry about others being impacted. But when your loved ones are baffled or resistant, that adds a new dimension to the challenge.