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Thou shalt determine to develop the art of sincerity.
2. Thou shalt observe other sincere and persuasive people and learn from them.
3. Thou shalt ask questions to find out more about people.
4. Thou shalt seek to make other people feel important and self-sufficient.
5. Thou shalt talk in terms of what will benefit and help the other person.
6. Thou shalt give honest and sincere praise about the other person in every way you can.
7. Thou shalt yield a point in any discussion rather than lose a friend.
8. Thou shalt never stoop to argue with another person.
9. Thou shalt seek to leave a favorable and sincere opinion of yourself by the other person.
10. Thou shalt be tactful and gracious in all that you say.
The practice of these principles is not going to be easy because they are the changing of many years of habits, however, the many benefits you will receive are worth the effort.
Disarming the other person can well be done by giving praise and sincere appreciation; regardless of how hostile or difficult the other person is, your giving him praise will bring him around to being your friend. Let me suggest some rules on giving praise:
1. Be sure it is sincere and not false flattery. In order to prove your sincerity, give reasons for your statement of praise. For example, "I enjoy doing business with your company for many years now because:
a. The efficiency by which you operate all of your affairs.
b. Your honesty, for you have always lived up to every statement you have made.
c. You people seem to delight in giving service."
2. Praise the act or action or the trait of the individual rather than just themselves.
3. Praise indirectly as well as directly. If you tell a man he has an efficient secretary, he will tell her what you said, and she'll be much warmer toward you the next time you want an appointment with her boss.
4. Use praise as a challenge to greater achievement.
5. Expect people to be shocked. The sound of police sirens carries much further than the sound of church bells. It is easy to be negative. People expect criticism. Most of them are negative and most people practice criticism, therefore, they're surprised to get praise.
6. Write letters of praise. Upon writing an associate a letter of praise for work well done, I was amazed to find that he framed the letter and hung it on the wall of his office, he was so appreciative.
7. Where possible, give public praise for individuals or units of the organization.
The story is told that one of Abraham Lincoln's advisors, urgently recommended a candidate for appointment to Lincoln's cabinet, but Lincoln declined to follow his friend's suggestion. When asked to give his reason Lincoln said [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "I don't like the man's face." "But the poor man is not responsible for his face," insisted his supporter. "Every man over 40 is responsible for his face," Lincoln replied.
This new habit of developing appreciation will not be cultivated overnight. It takes time [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but as you learn to use it, you will be amazed at the impressions, you will make upon people and the wonderful response you will have back from them. You will find it a wonderful way to disarm hostility.
Sterne said, "Inward sincerity will of course influence the outward deportment; where the one is wanting, there is great reason to suspect the absence of the other." He is saying here that we cannot turn sincerity on and off; we must cultivate it as a way of life. Therefore, when we learn to sincerely give praise and appreciation for little things, we will develop the capacity to give it later in big things.
Charles Dickens said, "A word in earnest is better than a speech." And Froude said, "Of all the evils abroad at this hour in the world, insincerity is the most dangerous." There was never a greater example of that than when the Japanese peace ambassadors [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who were here in late Nov